HOW DID YOU SPEND YOUR WEDNESDAY NIGHT?

 So our days are typically pretty busy when the girls are in school. But they are off track for most of this month and things seem busier than ever….except last night we did not do anything and it was the first night since my surgery and radiation that I actually felt I had any energy we made cookies, played the wii. I kicked butt at Karaoke the girls thought I was crazy because I knew all the words to “Love is a Battlefield” and “I’ll be there” yep I know all the words!

Then Ayden wanted us to all watch her sing Selena Gomez songs and listen to her as she talked about the Selena Gomez Concert…

So this is how we spent out whole evening…

 https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1357004929#!/photo.php?v=2521984853077

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1357004929#!/photo.php?v=2521976372865

Hmmmmm… what will tonight bring?

I love Sundays a quiet day after church with my girls….today is the first day that I have actually had time to think about the events that have taken place over the last week and a half. I had surgery on September 30 with inoperative radiation. And then early last week we got the word that it was in fact stage 1 breast cancer. As I think I posted before that it is not a big deal….that the DR. was 100% sure she removed everything during the surgery

As I sit here and think about the past few weeks everything happened so quickly, but I had already promised that I would help plan a charity event. And there was so many people counting on me to get things done. I did not have time to think about what was happening or to feel to sorry for myself. I think that this was a true blessing, and I am beyond grateful for Ryan Davis and the Ryan’s Pennies Foundation for keeping me busy and side tracked the last few weeks, it helped to keep me grounded and level headed.

I will go in this week for a full body scan and then the team of doctors will put in place a game plan for my treatment. It looks as if it will only require radiation and just a week long of going in for about 10-15 minutes a day. NO BIG DEAL right? Well till you think about what this is currently doing to my body….my mouth is hurting so bad my teeth hurt beyond belief and I have sores all over my mouth….UGH!!!

I am so grateful to everyone who brought in dinner to the girls and I, to everyone who checked on me, called me, sent me a text.

Yesterday as we had gotten in the car to head out to Layton for our charity event we stopped at the mailbox and there was a package in there addressed to me. I opened it and it was a beautiful guardian angel and every kind of heart candy you could imagine with 2 beautiful cards. One from my niece Laila and one from Wendy this made me cry right away and the girls said those are happy tears right mom? I said yes, I do not think they realize how much this made my day or my week!  My angel and cards sit on my night stand and remind me that I am not alone J

Thank you!!

Today at church someone asked me how I was doing and I was OK till she asked me then I started crying and cried all day!  We had made plans to go over to see the Gomez house in Daybreak. I was very lucky to get in touch with her and had her come out to the Ryan’s Pennies Foundation kick off. She was so sweet to show the girls and me the entire house. As I left there thinking of the everyday struggle she deals with and the unknown. I am even more grateful for my circumstances and knowing that everything will be OK!

I look forward to the end when they say OK you can now do reconstructive surgery, I could never justify a boob job before but after this I think I can!

Surgery DONE!

Friday was surgery day! First of all let me thank Dr. Nolan and her wonderful team!!! Lisa, Melissa, Nicole, K, Jason, Justin, Jon, Keith, Alan, Tracy, Jim and all my boys at 1280 and 97.5 The Zone for all the Love and support! For the rides, for the cupcakes, icee’s, dinners, covering my air shifts, stopping by to help me get my car to start, for the peppermint candy, peppermint tea, and ginger ale deliveries.

All in all things went GOOD. I was dropped off at surgical center around 8am. Got all dressed down to some fancy hospital clothes (I wanted to take a picture but they would not let me WHATEVER!!) Rhonda the nurse (yes that was her real name) she came in asked 5,000 questions then put in an IV did a terrible job see picture below!!

Meet with the guy who puts you to sleep luckily his name was not Dr. Conrad… (I know so not funny but I could not resist!) I warned him that after my last 2 knee surgeries I would wake up crying because he did not give me a tummy tuck….He laughed like I was joking I warned him again I would really wake up crying and upset. He said no worries I will take care of that (I was like sweet a tummy, he will take care of that but nope!)

I remember them taking me into the freezing room and strapping me down to the table yeah they should do that after they put you to sleep!! They said just count backwards from 5 and I remember getting to 3 and that was it.

I woke up much to my surprise NOT CRYING!!! I was in a little pain and grouchy! I have no family here in Utah so it was just me. No one for the Doctor to talk to and she did not come in and talk to me because she was busy with surgeries. I can remember the nurse asking my how my pain was I said it hurts she said yes the doctor took out a much bigger mass than she thought was there.

She warned me that I would more than likely feel nauseous from some inoperative radiation that they did while I was cut open. She said everyone’s bodies will react different.

 
It hit me more that I had expected!! I was so sick to my stomach and still am occasionally... ok all the time. I have body aches as if I had the flu and my teeth hurt. That is so weird to me that my teeth hurt but OUCH!!!

I had to get some IV fluids yesterday because I was so sick and she wanted to push the radiation out a little faster.

The Dr. looked at me and said I am so glad you are so sick; I wanted to smack her but had no energy to do so. I just started crying how dare she say that to anyone. She said that is good news that means the radiation is doing its job. I asked her more about what she saw and what she took out. She replied I took out what looks to be a non-invasive cancerous tumor more than likely a stage 1 it was bigger than I thought. But I did get all of it out as well as the milk ducts and lobules. (So basically yeah I have half a boob. I will talk more about that later!)

I am thinking this is all great news and looking am looking forward to more good news later in the week. We will know for sure on wed or thurs what pathology says. Fingers crossed.

I have had so many people ask me how I found this lump and how old I am.

I am 32 years old (33 in 3 months) and I found it through a routine home exam and some pain in my elbow I will blog about that after while.

I thank you all for your kind thoughts messages, prayers, phone calls and all of the kindness brought to my doorstep. I ask for one favor prayers that there will be great news later in the week and I will need NO more Radiation!!

Much Love!!!

Jackie

Saying goodbye.....always has a few tears!

Saying goodbye is never easy!

I feel like a dork for admitting this, even though there is no reason to. But today I found myself crying over a local TV show called Good Things Utah 4 beautiful ladies who are on ABC 4 everyday from 10-11AM here in SLC, Utah. It is like The View but with out all the politics. Its 4 ladies that I have watched daily for the last 9 years we have watched them as they became best friends, moms, pregnant, watched them through many hair styles, some great clothing choices some not so great. We watched as a new one joined the team and the show just kept getting better and changing with the times, with the styles etc.

I honestly feel like if it was not because of these 4 women that ABC 4 would not have been half as successful as it is today!

Earlier this month one of the ladies announced she was leaving I can remember watching that episode with Audrey and she kept saying “one of them is pregnant” but NO the big announcement was that long time host Reagan Leadbetter (one of my favorite’s heck who am I kidding they are all my favorite) was leaving the show. She was leaving so she could spend more time with her kids. I remember thinking “good for her”.

For the last few weeks they keep talking about her departure and I keep thinking she is really not leaving….but today as I watched and they were replaying some of her favorite memories I realized in a few days my daily routine will not be the same. Turning on the TV to watch GTU will never be the same.

http://www.abc4.com/content/about_4/gtu/featured_on/story/Reagans-Fondest-Memories/cxZTX99SjUe_nKIkBpwJEg.cspx

I wanted to take a few minutes and thank her for touching so many lives for all the fun goofy memories, for the tears, the stories,for putting her heart and soul into this show, for making sacrifices for all the love, for making us all feel like we have known her personally for the past 9 years.

I know I am not alone when saying this Thank you! Thank you, Reagan for the memories we look forward to hearing from you often we look forward for the opportunities that are before you. We wish you were not leaving but we all understand why you are and we wish you so many years of happiness with your boys all 3 of them…your 3 dogs, your 11 horses your beautiful home…we wish you happiness and many more great memories with your cute mother who we have grown to love as well.

God Speed and thank you for the fun ride J

Alliyah's FIRST blog post....oh enjoy :)

Why is it that when I want to find out something very important I can’t find out ANYTHING!!! I’m trying to find out where Taylor Swift is going after her concert. But alas I can’t find squat! I mean if I can’t find a book I can eventually find it, why can’t I find where the HECK Taylor Swift is. When I become famous people are going to try and find me, and I won’t know their trying to find me. Okay I’m done with this topic!

     I’m off track!! WOO HOO I get to sleep in, and stay up late. I like being off track. Okay different topic. People say I’m going to be a Disney star....see picture below (no this is not what I really look like it was a morph from a cell phone but it's totally my personality)

     I don’t know why thought. I mean I’m funny and all but Disney stars usually end up crazy and getting a D.U.I or going to jail. Those people are bad news. And I’m to pretty for the slammer I mean come on I’m kind of adorable. Right? DING DING DING, time for the last topic.

     I LOVE music!!!! Like that song I’m not crazy I’m just a little unwell. I also like Lady Gaga’s you and I. I can’t get it out of my head. FUN FACT: Did you know that the Jonas brother’s last name isn’t really Jonas. It’s really Lucas, they just grew up on some street with the name Jonas in it. Don’t you just feel betrayed by The Jonas Brother’s now. [ I never really liked them.] Well I’ll write soon okay. Don’t be sad I said soon. ~Hugs~

                              

                                           Love

                                           Alliyah!!!

Taylor Swift

Tomorrow night is Taylor Swift and for the LOVE of pete I am not sure I can handle one more concert...it seems like we have been to every single show of the summer and they have all been SO GOOD! I love Taylor Swift and so do the girls but....I am not sure I can take all 4 girls so how do you pick one to take don't think that is possible. So stay tuned to find out if we go to Taylor or not. I have heard its a great show but she is not my favorite when it comes to "Live" singing.

This is my favorite Taylor Swift song I hope one day Alliyah will write a song like this for me :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4_6eQm7RTQ

Say What Cancer? Say it isn't so.......

Today, cancer made me feel this....CANCER SUCKS!
I began to wonder today about waiting. Are we all just waiting for the news of someone we love to find out they have cancer. I thought it would not be me as for I have had enough DRAMA in my life

A couple of weeks ago the doctor mention the word cancer to me, it all start with this lump in my elbow. Then this lump in my breast and it all happened so very fast appointment after appointment. Not feeling very well for at least the last 6 months fevers, night sweats aches and pains. But as all mothers do we put it on the back burner and just go about our normal crazy schedules.

After several test and after several doctors reviewed my case, I will be going in on Friday for a lumpectomy Dr. Nolan (who I hear is fantastic) will remove the lump, the duct and surrounding tissue. While she has me open she will perform something new called Inoperative Radiation Therapy to kill any cancer cells. We will not know for sure if it is cancerous until after pathology comes back with a full report. After we have all the results there will be a team of doctors who map out a game plan if needed. I look at this as a Basketball game. I am already through the first quarter and Friday will be the second the waiting for result will be halftime the hardest time I am sure…But I already know the outcome. I will WIN this game.

The odds are certainly in my favor as this has been caught very early, I am so great for the quick actions of my doctors and for the Breast Care Clinic Team.

There is no doubt in my mind whatever the outcome will be I will be blogging this same time next week, next year and years to come.

Funny thing is I have known so many people with cancers and so many of my friends and family have already dealt with this....I am the lucky one and yet I find myself being selfish and feeling sorry for myself. First thing I thought was I would NOT make a good bald person.

As a friend of mine wrote a few month ago....

I want to take cancer and squish it in my hands and stomp on it and spit on it and bury it deep in the ground and pretend we never heard the word.

I want to thank all my friends and enemies for all the kind words and person messages of encouragement and support. I am so grateful my daughters and there strength, love and help over the past few weeks of dealing with all this craziness.