GOOD NEWS..... my pee is not glowing yet....that would be so cool if it was though!!

I sit down to write this blog post just after tucking in my sweet girls. I feel an overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude for each of them.

I feel as if I am the luckiest person in the world that they chose me to be their mamma, not even realizing how much they would change my life.

You see I was never going to have kids or get married and if I had kids or a KID it was going to be a little boy that I named Alstott, Kayvon or Aiden…I LOVED these boy names and just knew if I ever had a kid it would be a boy and one of those 3 names would be it. NEVER WOULD I THINK 3 GIRLS!!

Well as we all know things don’t always end up the way we think they would or even close. I would of never imagined at the age of 32 years old I would be diagnosed with Breast Cancer, while raising 3 children on my own, living in a very small place, hardly surviving financially, working a crazy schedule, juggling be a mom and dad, a full time employee, a Sunday school teacher, a daughter and a friend. ALL of that I would not trade for anything it has kept me grounded and made me focus on what as to be done!

BUT I AM SO GRATEFUL for the new lease on life I have been given and I am beyond excited for what the future holds BIG  changes are about to come the first of the year!

I have learned more in the last 2 months then I have learned in my 32 years here on earth. I have realized who my true friends are, that family it not always thick as blood, I have learned that I have not yet accomplished what I was sent to this world to do. I have learned to put my faith in the hands of a loving heavenly father who has protected me and guided me through the most difficult, most alone, most scariest, and the quiet moments of my life.

I’ve learned that I am slow to trust I’m quick to love that I push too hard and give too much. I have realized that I am not perfect nor do I want to be! 

I want my girls to grow up knowing how much I love them and how grateful I am for them, I want them to know how hard I worked to provide for them, how I tried my hardest to only protect them, how I want a better life for them, I want them to know when they are sad or hurt my heart breaks into a million pieces I want them to know how we all live with the scars we choose and that they hurt like hell, but in the end they only make us stronger!

Ok enough crying…I am into day 10 of radiation of 16 over a 4 week period. And the good news is that my pee is not glowing yet....that would be so cool if it was though!!

Friday was the worst day yet, I think I say that every day… (ha~ha!) spent half of my Saturday in the hospital for reason that would disgust most of us so we will leave some of this to the imagination. Had a few test Dr. Nolan consulted with the attending Dr. and within hours I was feeling much better after 3 shots in my fat ass ( I guess sometimes ladies we should be grateful for the extra padding) some steroids and the Dr. and I laughing that I had not shaved my legs in about 4 days. I came home and thought I was superwoman and totally over did everything and paid for it later.

Monday (yesterday was rough) I called my mom crying about 4 times and she just listened to me. She told me to talk it out but I didn’t know what to say except I am miserable and I am tired and I am done with ALL of this. Today, Tuesday is better still a lot of body aches and a few other side effects but I am so close to being done.

I felt silly tonight when dinner was brought over she said “do you want me to come over and clean this week?” I guess it was a little messy….so funny and here I thought I was doing so good at keeping it managed its not that big after all.

                      

I try to keep everyday as normal and in a routine like before cancer as much as I can. I want my girls to know everything is ok, and this too shall pass. Everyone keeps saying I cannot believe you are doing this, or this….that’s just how I am and that will probably not change.

Tomorrow night I look forward to parent teacher conference so I can go hear how AWESOME and AMAZING my girls are!!!

I will leave you with my favorite song and hope you listen and enjoy it as much as me!    

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Kqjqx9AZYY&ob=av2e

MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL!!